Celebrating Christmas All Year Long

 Let's celebrate Christmas all year long!

Some you are probably thinking, "YES!", "I love Christmas !" "Let's do this!"

While many others may be groaning and would probably like to tar and feather me at the mere thought of having to celebrate any longer than is absolutely necessary.

I get it...I love Christmas, but sometimes, often times, it can be stressful and become too much.

When do you begin "doing" Christmas?

When does the tree go up?

Do you put up outside lights and decorations? How early? How much?

How much do you decorate the inside of your house? Could it be featured on a Hallmark movie?

When do you begin shopping for presents? The day after Christmas for the following year or Christmas Eve for the current year?

How do you celebrate? Quiet family gathering, big family gathering, group of friends, or does it seem like your celebration includes the entire town.

What about Christmas parties? Do you host any? Do you attend any? How many?

Are there dinners to plan, prepare, host, attend?

Are there Christmas programs at the kids school? At church? Band concerts? Choir concerts?

Do you attend any local Christmas parades?

Do you need to purchase gifts for kids classroom teachers and Sunday School teachers? How about for your co-workers? Don't forget about your friends.

Did I mention the shopping? Not just for gifts but for food, to replace the lights that no longer work, to get some new decorations that you've been dying to get, or even to replace the Christmas tree that might have bit the dust last year and you just forgot about it.

Do you worry that you bought all the right gifts?

Did you forget anyone?

You just know that you forgot someone or something.

We have to decide which Christmas Eve service to attend and do we go to Christmas Day service too since it's on a Sunday this year. 

Presents are opened. Food is consumed. Most seem happy with what they got but maybe someone didn't get the gift they had really hoped for. Maybe the size or color of the sweater you bought for you favorite uncle was wrong so now you have to exchange it. Maybe Susie wanted a blond doll but got a brunette instead. Maybe Bobbie didn't want the video game you got him.

And then it's over...

We are exhausted...

We eventually get everything cleaned up, picked up, and put away until the same time next year. Except for those few returns or exchanges, the thought of Christmas is out of our minds for months.

Don't get me wrong, I love to see the excitement on the faces of my grandchildren as they open presents, as they see all the Christmas lights and the blow-up figures on people's lawns, as they help decorate, and as they help to make things. 

I also like to decorate with all the Christmas stuff, but maybe not to the extent that I once did.

I'm not saying to stop doing what you do every year. 

But...

When did our celebration of Christ's birth become so much packed into a month or maybe 2? And is all of this planning and preparing actually to celebrate his birth, or something else? How much time do we actually spend "celebrating" his birth?

And I haven't even mentioned what kinds of memories or emotions come to mind when you think of and plan for Christmas. They could be joyful, but they could also be painful.

When Joseph found out about Mary's pregnancy, he was going to secretly divorce her. However, an angel appeared to him as recorded in Matthew 1:21 - "She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

Then, on the day he was born, Luke 2:11 reads..."For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior which is Christ the Lord."

And 2 verses later, verses 13 and 14 read...Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

All this fanfare to announce the birth of one small child to a bunch of shepherds. 

In all of our Christmas planning, decorating, celebrating, and events that we attend, how much time do we really give to celebrating Christ? How much fanfare do WE give to him?

That night in that manger, prophecy was fulfilled when Christ humbled himself to come to earth to be born. He didn't have to, but he chose to. It seems to me that we would want to celebrate his birth more often than just one day.

We know that without his death, burial, and resurrection we wouldn't be saved from our sins. We celebrate that every day.

But have you ever thought that without his birth, there wouldn't be a death.

I wonder what it was like for him growing up, knowing full well that he was going to have to die for us. We wonder what our day-to-day lives will be like, but Jesus knew exactly what was going to happen.

Do you ever wonder what someone thinks of you? What did someone say about you behind your back? Are you going to be invited to a certain event or wonder why you weren't invited to another event?

Jesus knew the names of everyone who spoke badly about him, who would mock him, who would betray him, and would would deny him. Yet he still chose to be born, to be a friend and teacher, and to go through all of the trials that he did. 

How about all of the sermons he preached and the lessons he taught? Many didn't listen and many still don't listen today, however he knew those sermons and lesson would reach us thousands of years later.

During his life he served in many ways: healing, washing feet, raising people from the dead, turning water into wine, and so much more.

He left the example for us to serve others. Maybe not healing people, raising them from the dead, or even turning water into wine, but we can serve.

How do we do that? How do we serve others? What does that have to do with Christmas?

Well, this definitely look different to each one of us. We are all different, our abilities are all unique to us, so you will have to decide. But we get so caught up in the look and feel of Christmas that we forget that it's all about giving, caring, sharing, loving. That's what Christ did for us so we should do the same for others. 

It certainly doesn't have to be a physical gift that you give to someone, but maybe some kind words or deeds.

Our congregation was recently encouraged and and challenged to be the salt (words) and light (deeds) to people around us. This was based on Matthew 5:13-16 You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown our and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it give light to everyone in the house.

So how can you start to be the salt and light in the world?

Start with a smile. The smile you give to someone may be the only positive thing someone experiences in a day. I recently saw on FaceBook that said that a smile was the universal sign for kindness...I guess if it was on FB then it must be true...

Do you like to write notes to people? Buy a package of cards and send positive notes to someone you know who could use a kind word.

Do you know anyone who could use some help around their house? Maybe an elderly person or couple who could use their leaves raked, yard mowed, snow shoveled, or even some small repairs completed.

Do you sew, crochet, knit, or do any crafts? Maybe you could make something for someone. Maybe you can share your ability with Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, or 4H.

Do you know a new young mom who might just need someone to talk to? Or to sit and listen for the baby so that she can take a shower or even a nap?

Is there someone who is having some financial difficulties who could possibly use some groceries?

Can you prepare a meal for someone facing medical battles?

Can you send cards to someone who is battling cancer?

Can you visit someone who was injured in a car accident?

We often receive prayer requests and sometimes updates on those prayer requests. If you have received updates about people, ask how they are doing and continue to support them.

Do you have items in your house that you no longer need/use/want? Rather than selling them, is there someone who can't afford to buy them that you could give them to?

Take supplies (paper plates, napkins, paper towels, soda, chips, etc.) to a family who recently lost a loved one. This is so nice to have when friends stop by to visit and share their condolences.

Have you ever encountered someone at the store checkout who didn't seem to have enough to pay for their groceries? Have you ever stepped in to help?

Do you know a college student who is attending college quite a distance from home? Send them a card periodically.

As we get older, our parents and their friends do too. Keep in touch with some of those friends by sending them cards or notes.

As a 10-year-old, I had to spend 9 days in the hospital back in 1971. While I was there and even a few days after I went home, I received cards from someone who signed their card "The Phantom Pen". I didn't know who that was for a few weeks until I finally received one in which she revealed her identity - Judy Lewis, one of my mom's friends. I contacted her recently about those cards because I had forgotten how she had signed them, but I had never forgotten her kindness in sending them. 

Kindness - it doesn't cost a thing yet it's the richest gift you can give.

Kindness is one of the greatest gifts you can bestow upon another. If someone is in need, lend them a helping hand. Do not wait for a thank you. True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return.

Being kind. Giving in love. Serving.

There are so many people that all of us know who could use a bit of Christmas throughout the year. We don't know what trials or tribulations they may be battling, but we can at least give them a "smile".

We have so many opportunities to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to serve like he did, to be salt and light in the world, to really celebrate his birth.

"Your impact on other people is bigger than you think. Someone still giggles when they think of that funny thing you said. Someone still smiles when they think of the compliment you gave them. Someone silently admires you. The advice you give has made a difference for people. The support and love you've offered others has made someone's day. Your input and opinions have made someone think twice. You're not insignificant and forgotten. Your existence makes a positive difference, whether you see it or not." Compassionate Reminders

Those cards you sent...
That meal you made...
That gift you gave...
That time you raked leaves or mowed grass or shoveled snow...
That time you sat and talked with a new mom or a friend in the hospital...
That time you paid for someone's groceries or fast food...
That note you sent to one of your parent's friends...
Those cards sent to a scared 10-year-old in the hospital...
None of these will be forgotten. Jesus knows you've done them and that's all that matters.

We need to remember that Christmas is about Christ. It's not about us, making us feel good or look good. It's about serving others and giving to others just like Jesus did. Not just once or twice, but being intentional ALL YEAR LONG!

One of Those Days...

So, it's now December 2, 2022 and I'm just now getting around to publishing this. I'm not sure why it has taken so long. Just a quick update...The grandson that was on the way is now almost 2 and another grandson is due any day. Life is good, but God is great!

Thoughts from January 8, 2021:

The title of this post might be a little misleading as it was something I wrote over a year ago but never published. I'm not sure why I didn't publish it then. Anyway, fast forward to today 

Thoughts from December 14, 2020:

Have you ever had one of those days? You know the kind. Starts out like any ordinary day; get up, workout, eat breakfast, take a shower, go to the store. Once back home you start working on something that had been started by your mom nearly 20 years ago. It's nothing monumental, but it brings back memories of her. She's been gone almost 13 years and yet the memories often flood my thoughts. I think the fact that her birthday is on Christmas day and that day is fast approaching doesn't help.

Anyway, as I'm working on this project I'm also texting with my daughters - in - love. One is checking to see if I could watch one granddaughter at a future date and the other telling me something funny the oldest granddaughter said to her. Most of the time, these texts just end, the day goes on, dates are written on the calendar, I get a good laugh, and that's it. 

Today, however, was different. Those simple texts caused a stirring in the chest (no, not a heart attack). As that stirring continued and intensified, it caused my throat to close off (no, I wasn't choking), and my eyes to become a little watery (I really don't have allergies so it couldn't have been that).  The thoughts of the granddaughters and the upcoming arrival of a grandson can sometimes be so wonderful that my heart feels like it might explode. These littles, each so unique, have no idea how much they are loved. 

Okay, you are probably wondering if I have gone off the deep end... No, I haven't. My days are usually full of various activities, mostly at home, but occasionally I'll get outside too. I'm just a deep thinker. I think that because of the way we have to live right now with social distancing, sheltering at home, staying away from our friends and often our families, it has forced us to have to stay home, often times alone and without much interaction with those we are close to. I'm kind of a homebody anyway, but I do like to go out and do things, see things, visit people too. FaceTime and Zoom have certainly helped, but they just aren't the same.

Being alone much of the day, I think about things and people. As I said, I'm a deep thinker. I think about people who have gone on before us and wonder how things would be different if they hadn't left us when they did. Would certain events have occurred if they had lived longer? How different would our lives be? Then I think about our littles and wonder what their lives will be like? Who or what will they become? Honestly, as long as they follow Jesus they can be whoever they want to be. I know I will not be around to love them their whole life, but I will love them my whole life. More importantly, Jesus will love them forever. 

So, back to the beginning. Have you ever had one of those days? I'm sure you have and if so, here's a big hug from me to you to let you know that you aren't alone. 

Celebrating Life - Katie

 Yesterday evening, Jeff and I had the pleasure of attending a celebration of life for a woman who we really barely knew, but who had made a mark on our lives during the short 5 years we knew her. Why would I say we had the "pleasure" of attending something that is usually very somber and sad? Well, it was a bit somber and sad, but remembering her and her life should make those who attended, who knew her much longer than we did, to smile.

We only met back in 2015, at least that is when I believe we met. Since that time, we've probably only been together a handful of times for birthday celebrations or other special events. At each of these events, my friend never hesitated to include me in conversations, enquire about events of my life, or just to share and discuss current events in the area. Even if Jeff and I were the "outsiders" in the group, she and her husband were always always always welcoming and truly seemed joyful to see us. 

It was probably that year in 2015 that I experienced her kindness for that first time. I had just completed all of the work to earn an advanced degree in education and had just graduated from the university. A few days later I received some flowers to congratulate me for completing my hard work. Something totally unexpected from someone I barely knew. Yes, some of my family congratulated me on my accomplishment, but this was from someone I barely knew. 

Over the next few years up until just about 2 months before her passing, she and I would usually correspond via cards and letters but occasionally by phone. I always enjoyed when I received a note from her and would usually immediately reply. It actually took me back to over 50 years ago when I would have to correspond with my grandmother via letters back in the 60's. Those letters from my grandmother were some of my greatest treasures and I came to treasure the letters from my friend as well.

I know that her family will be missing her terribly, especially around the holidays that are fast approaching, but every day as well. I know that she corresponded with them often, sometimes daily. From what I know of you, Katie, you lived a good life. I will certainly miss our chats and conversations.

As she neared the end of life, she and I had written each other one more time. I had told her I would love to be able to come and just sit with her but I also knew that having company was an exhausting feat for her so I was unable to do that. As she was nearing the end, her daughters asked I would be available to come and assist with her, if needed and if my friend would allow. I told them that I would be honored to help. Unfortunately for me, I never got that opportunity. That actually took me back to 2008 when my own mother was laying in the hospital very close to death. While I was there, close to her, there was really nothing I could do for her but to just be there. 

Hiking

 I love to hike. Jeff and I love to hike. We've hiked in our Missouri State Parks, our National Parks, and even some of the local parks that have trails. Hiking, to me, is not the same as just taking a walk. If I go for a walk, it will probably be on a paved trail, sidewalk, or road that may be in a town, park, or even a school. My hiking usually takes place in a wooded area. Just my preference. 

Today I went for a hike by myself to a nearby state park. Jeff was working and I wanted to hike, so I drove to Don Robinson State Park. It isn't too far from home and is a beautiful location. It has 2 trails; LaBarque Hills Trail (2.4 miles) and Sandstone Canyon Trail (3.9 miles). We've hiked the LaBarque Hills Trail in the past and even though the Sandstone Canyon Trail is a bit longer, I chose to hike the Sandstone Canyon Trail.

I'll admit, the Sandstone Canyon Trail looked a bit intimidating, but nothing I couldn't complete. I've completed a Barbarian Challenge that was a 6.2 mile course with many obstacles along the course (I didn't complete many of the obstacles but I did complete the course). It was held at Noccalulu Falls Park in Gadsden, Alabama. It was definitely a tough course. That was hiking to the extreme.

When Jeff and I hike or walk together, we will often talk to each other as we hike/walk but we also will often just hike/walk without talking. We just look at what is around us and listen to all the sounds of the area. We'll stop and explore sections, take pictures, and just observe.

Many times when I walk alone I'll listen to music on my phone, typically only Joy FM (although I like most types of music). 

Today's hike, I didn't want the distraction of music playing in my ears. That didn't mean I didn't have music swirling in my head as I always have a song or ten playing in my head and I am always "singing" along to it (I try to keep this singing to myself). Additionally, I love just hearing the wind blow, the crunch of the leaves under my feet (or under the feet of critters walking in the woods), the trickle of water in a creek or stream, or the sound of people who I might encounter on the trail. I stop often and take in the amazing beauty that God has created. I observe. I take pictures. I collect items for the "nature box" we have for the grandkids.

In addition to all of the above listed activities that I do while hiking, I pray. I pray for my husband, my children (and their wives), my grandchildren, the rest of my family, friends, church, missions, our country, this world...they are never ending. Someone or something comes to mind and I pray. I don't often remember exactly what I prayed for or about but I remember today's prayers. There were two main prayers on my mind and heart today.  The first was for a friend and her family as they are preparing the death of their mother and grandmother. She is declining rapidly right before their eyes. It made me think about the 7 days we spent watching my mom die. 😢  💔 The second prayer was thanking God for His grace, mercies, and forgiveness EVERY DAY. 💗Also a reminder that I need to always remember to extend the same grace, mercy, and forgiveness to others. How could I not when I am forgiven over and over again.

As I hiked today, I didn't have the trail all to myself as I encountered quite a few people along the trail. We exchanged our "hello" and "good morning" and each moved on our way. How many of them were humming a song in their head? How many were praying for someone they know? I have no idea. I do know that I will continue to LISTEN as I take my hikes. You never know what you might hear.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Summer of '71

 The summer of 1971. This is something I hadn't thought about until I saw that Six Flags Over Mid-America (St. Louis) was turning 50 this year. Seeing that brought back quite a few memories from that summer.

I was 10 years old that summer. Just finished 4th grade and would be in 5th grade in the fall. Summer as a 10-year-old should be full of fun and adventures, running with the neighborhood kids, swimming at the pool, just doing whatever a kid wanted to do. 

I'm sure that I did all of those things, at least at the beginning of the summer. Not sure exactly when it was that I went with my grandma Ruby to spend a week at the home of my uncle, aunt, and cousins in Grandview, Missouri. My cousin Sheri and I are only 19 days apart in age and were very close as kids. (While we don't always keep in touch as we used to, she is still important to me.)

That week in Grandview was spent doing all the things kids would do. Running, riding bikes, swimming, and just being a kid. So many memories.

After we finished the week there, Grandma and I went back to her house in Wheeling, Missouri and connected with the rest of my family. I remember that we spent quite a few days there while Mom and Dad painted Grandma's house and did other updates for her. While they did that, my siblings and I just did kid stuff which here included a tire swing, climbing trees, and exploring the small town.

Once all of the updates to Grandma's house were completed, the family headed home. I remember while we were driving home that Dad told us that we were going to be going to the brand new amusement park called Six Flags. Of course, the 4 of us kids were excited!

Even though it was 50 years ago, something this monumental should bring forth wonderful memories. Unfortunately, my memories of this occasion and the rest of the year were anything but wonderful. 

While we were at the park, riding the rides, eating the food, I remember I began to get a headache. It continued as the day progressed but I really noticed it when I rode the Mine Train roller coaster. The "clank clank clank" as the cars climbed the hills became excruciating. Sometime later, I noticed my feet were hurting. Thinking it was my shoes, I took them off only to realize how swollen they had become. I then couldn't put my shoes back on again.

I don't remember much about the rest of the day except that I don't think I rode any more rides or did much else except follow everyone around the park. I just didn't feel good at all.

Fast forward to a few days to a week later, going to the doctor because the symptoms I had experienced at Six Flags were continuing, and having the doctor tell my parents that I needed to be admitted to the hospital in St. Louis. We had a smaller hospital in the town just 7 miles from us, but we didn't have any specialists locally. My parents were very concerned for me to be in a hospital by myself at 10-years-old, 50 miles away. Thankfully it was decided that I could be admitted to our local hospital (St. Francis) in Washington and that the specialist would be able to come to this hospital to evaluate me.

I believe I was admitted on a Monday and the specialist came to evaluate on Tuesday. I honestly don't remember exactly when it was that a diagnosis was given (I'll talk more about that later). What I do remember is that back in that day, our hospital did not have televisions in all hospital rooms, not that it mattered because we really didn't have many channels back then. But, it would give me something to do during the day and evening for both me and my roommate. My family didn't have a small portable television, but thankfully some family friends did and let me use it. It definitely helped, especially since I had to be in that room and bed for 9 days. I was allowed to walk to the bathroom and back to my bed. No further. It was definitely a difficult time.

Now to the diagnosis...it was determined that I had a disease in my kidneys called Bright's Disease. I don't know how I got it or what caused it. What I do know is that this disease changed my life for 6 months, maybe even longer.

As a result of the diagnosis, there were many things in my life that had to change. One change was that I was not allowed to have any salt AT ALL. Back in the 70's, no salt or low salt foods were difficult to find. As a result, my mom had to find ways to make meals for me that were different than what everyone else ate. No bacon. No ham. Nothing with any salt. One of our family's weekly activities included having popcorn as we watched The Wonderful World of Disney on Sunday evenings. Mom had to make my popcorn either plain (yuck) or better yet using no salt butter and sugar. That became a favorite for me.

Even worse than the no salt, was that I was not allowed to do any physical activity. None. My room was on the 2nd floor of our house. I was allowed to go upstairs to go to bed and come downstairs in the morning. I had to sit/lay on a foldout sofa bed in our living room all day. I was allowed to walk to the bathroom and back. That was it. After a while I was allowed to walk out to sit on our porch, but no further. The only time I walked further was to go to the car when we went to the doctor's office, walk into and out of the office, back to the car, and back into the house. This was the middle of July and I was 10.

In addition to no salt and no activity, I took an extremely high dose of penicillin daily. An extremely high dose.

As the weeks progressed and it came closer to going back to school, there were questions about whether or not I would even be able to go to school. I was going to be in 5th grade. All of the 5th grade classes were on the top floor of our school. But of course there would be walking to go to art, music, PE, lunch, recess, the library, you name it. 

My dad worked for Southwestern Bell, I remember my parents talking about the possibility of doing "remote learning" long before that was even a thing. Apparently Bell was going to help if that was necessary. Fortunately, I was cleared to go to school, but with a few restrictions; I couldn't play at recess (I couldn't even walk outside at first) and I couldn't participate in PE. For recess, I had to just sit in the classroom and usually read a book. I remember there was another girl who had had a broken leg and wasn't allowed to go outside either. She and I became friends and would often play games during recess time. Eventually we both were cleared to at least walk around the playground during recess time. 

This was my life from sometime in June until my 11th birthday in December. During these 6 months, I had many doctor appointments to check and see if the infection in my kidneys was still there. I don't remember how often I had these appointments, but I do remember the final one. My doctor, James Shea, walked into the room where I was waiting and he told me that from that day forward I was able to eat anything I wanted and I could do anything I wanted; run, jump, ride my bike, ANYTHING!! That was probably the happiest day of my life!! I remember the first thing I asked my mom to make for me...BACON! 

I honestly don't remember if my taste for some things changed during this time, but I do know that I prefer salty foods over sweet foods. Not super salty, but salty.

When I went back to school after that appointment, I was able to actually play at recess and participate in PE. And, I was able to go back to playing with all of the kids in my neighborhood. Until this time, they would have to come to the house and just sit and play games or whatever we could do while sitting.

As I grew up, I kind of forgot about having this disease until I was taking college classes to become a teacher. I had to take an Art for Children class in which we had to research an artist. I chose Mary Cassatt, an American artist. As I researched her, I found that she had a sister, Lydia, who died from Bright's Disease in 1882. I was shocked. Could I have died from this disease? Possibly, if I had lived in the 1800's. Thankfully I lived in the 1900's and had access to strong medicine.

Over the past 50 years, I have thought about this time in my life only occasionally. It wasn't until I saw that Six Flags was celebrating it's 50th anniversary that the memories came flooding back in. There are many things to be thankful for; a specialist who found the cause of my illness, a great doctor who took over my treatment, a mom who had to create 2 different meals to accommodate my dietary restrictions, friends who would come and sit with me, family friends who loaned us the television to watch while in the hospital, and friends and relatives who sent cards to me for months. You never know what can happen to you at any time...

Words

 Words.

Words can build you up. They can make you or someone you know feel loved. Feel wonderful. Feel beautiful. They let you know how someone feels. How much you might be appreciated. 

Words can also destroy, not just you, but others as well. Believe it or not, words are not forgotten. Do you remember "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."? Well, that's a lie. They do hurt. Bad.

Over the years, I have had many words spoken or yelled at me. I have been made to feel absolutely wonderful and loved. I have also been made to feel worthless. Because of the latter, I have tried very hard to select the words that I use. To know when to speak and when not to speak. I have to admit that I haven't always been successful at that but I try. I try to think before I speak. Unfortunately, that has been seen as being apathetic which couldn't be further from the truth. I often have a great deal to say, but wish to ponder what to say or if I should say anything at all. Again, unfortunately, there has been a time or two when I spoke when I should have been quiet. When that happens, you have to go back and do damage control, explain what you said or why you said it. Sometimes it's the truth, but possibly could have been spoken in a different way. 

"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing to you oh Lord, my rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

This scripture is also a song that we used to sing quite often when I was in the praise band, but we hadn't until today. It was so perfect to go along with the sermon and with how I have been feeling for a while. 

"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing to you, pleasing to you.
May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing to you, my God.

You're my rock and my redeemer, you're the reason that I sing, I desire to be a blessing in your eyes.
Every hour every moment, Lord I want to be your servant, I desire to be a blessing in your eyes, in your eyes." Shane Barnard

These words. So powerful. So beautiful. Something I have to think about before I speak. Do you?

P.S. Thanks Bill Thomas for the sermon and Chris Strickland for the song.

Who I Am

When the song, You Say by Lauren Daigle, first came out on the radio and I heard it for the first time, I cried. It was as if she wrote this just for me. It was as if she went into my past, saw all of my struggles with myself, saw all of the areas where I felt I fell short, all of the relationships I desperately wanted (and often times still do), all of the insecurities I've had, all of the times I felt I wasn't good enough (and still do), and on and on and on, and wrote this for me.

 You Say

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh)

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh)

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe

Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet
You have every failure God, and You'll have every victory, (ooh oh)

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh I believe (oh)

Songwriters: Paul Mabury / Lauren Ashley Daigle / Jason Ingram

You Say lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 These are the lyrics to her song. Right from the very beginning, about fighting the voices in my mind, not being good enough, never being able to measure up. Oh My Goodness!! That is how I have felt...forever! Now, before you say "but look at what you do, what you have done, what you have accomplished", because I have been blessed many times over, you have to understand the struggle to get here.

I have always struggled with my self-worth my entire life. Wondering where I belonged. Feeling that I didn't fit in with people or groups that I wanted to belong to. Desperate for relationships that weren't just one-sided. Feeling that I wasn't good enough to be part of a group, to be chosen for something I really wanted (or thought I did), or just to be accepted.

I've always been pretty shy. I know some who read this will find that comical, but I really am. From a very young age I struggled with talking with people who I didn't know. I found it difficult to make friends at first because of this shyness. Having relationships with friends (once I got to know them) wasn't difficult, but it was often difficult getting to that point. Not that I was difficult to speak to, just that I was wary of opening myself up to someone lest I get hurt. I have always had really close friends. Not tons of friends, but the ones I have are truly special.

When I think back to high school (and why would I want to do that?), it kind of makes my stomach churn. I can remember desperately wanting to be part of a "group". I don't know what group, maybe the popular kids, definitely not the smokers (although I think I'm probably friends with some of those smokers)! I never considered myself one of the popular kids from my school. I knew LOTS of kids from all groups and could get along with and be friends with EVERYONE. I wasn't cute enough, didn't wear the right clothes, didn't have the right body type, maybe my dad didn't work for the right company, I wasn't athletic. So many variables to consider. But...I had friends, good friends.

In addition to being shy, I have always gotten extremely nervous when speaking or performing in front of a group of people. Knowing that you would think that I would never want to perform in front of anyone. On the contrary, I have loved to sing from an early age. That didn't mean I didn't get nervous, because I did! I think I was pretty good at singing (I was also in the band, played clarinet, and was our drum major my senior year). I loved singing so much I decided to major in vocal music performance in college.  My absolute dream was to sing at the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. I don't know if I would have ever made it because I let those voices discourage me from finding out.

Years later, I began to sing regularly at church. Still getting nervous, but doing it none the less. My voice was a gift I was given by God and I had to use it no matter how nervous I got. Still...those voices...not good enough...never measure up...always someone better. I wasn't singing for glory, just God, but at the same time I wanted to do well. I think part of my nervousness over the years was that I didn't want to be laughed at, to disappoint anyone, to please everyone when really I just needed to sing for God. Thinking about it right now makes me well-up with tears. All the years I worried about what others thought, when really no one else but God mattered!

Pleasing others, wanting to be accepted by everyone, feeling left out when not included, these are all areas I have struggled with too. This is not just with people I know or friends, but even family. Relationships are so important to me and it's often here that I hear the voices saying I'm not good enough...someone else is more important...it's okay if you aren't included...you get the idea. I've always tried to include everyone, not leave anyone out because I know how that feels to be left out and not included. It hurts...again the voices telling me I'm not good enough...will never measure up.

And then this song...it's not as if I haven't heard these words spoken or sung before, but there's just something in this song that struck a chord. So many things in my past (and actually in my present too) that have eaten away at me, that have caused me time, energy, tears, are not important! It doesn't matter what others think of me (although I still dwell on this because I want to be liked and accepted). It only matters that God loves me and accepts me just as I am. With all my failures, my weaknesses, my struggles. I know it is a daily battle to fight back those voices that tell me I'm not enough, that try and tell me that I'll never measure up to standards of today (whatever those may be). But this I know...it isn't about me, but about Him. I know this side of heaven I'll never be enough, never good enough, pretty enough, you name it. But to my God, I'm just right! If I fall, I know He'll be there to pick me up and if I have a victory of some kind it really won't be mine but His!

These will all be daily struggles, but...

I know I'm loved.
I know I'm strong.
I know He holds me.
I know I belong.
I know I'm HIS!
And I believe...

Update:  I wrote and published all the above in 2018. I started to write a new post today, 2/20/23 about being weary. Weary for all of the reasons listed above but then I re-read this and realized I've already written it. I think at times we all get weary and burdened in our lives, from things we've done or maybe things we should have done. Regardless, there is always REST with the Father. For all He does for me, I'm so very thankful.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30